Natalie Portman recently made a surprise appearance onstage at a concert in New York City, much to the excitement of her fans. But some social media users have been praising the actor’s looks with a common compliment that experts in mental health say needs some serious reconsideration.
The “Black Swan” actor surprised concertgoers at Madison Square Garden on Monday night when she ran onstage and danced with the artist named Role Model, as he and a band performed his song, “Sally, When the Wine Runs Out.” Portman and Role Model, whose real name is Tucker Pillsbury, are starring together in an upcoming film directed by Lena Dunham titled “Good Sex.”
Video clips of the moment were posted to the official Instagram accounts for Billboard and Rolling Stone. Fans of the two flocked to Instagram to celebrate the light-hearted moment. And while the comment section was flooded with praise and positive vibes, there was one theme that came up quite a bit: People celebrated Portman for looking “young.”
One commenter observed that Portman, 44, will be 50 in six years, and that she has “really great genetics.” Others remarked that she “never ages,” that she looks like a 20-year-old or that she just simply looks good for her age. One commenter even quipped that the actor’s youthful appearance must be due to “witchcraft.”
But one Instagram user in the comment section playfully hit back at the insinuation from others that 44 years old is not considered young, writing: “I’m also 44. We ain’t dead. lol. Of course, Natalie can jump around!”
While many may enjoy getting comments from others about looking young, we spoke with two mental health experts who say these kinds of remarks may not sit well with everyone, and they may suggest that being older is a bad thing — even if the remarks are well-intended.
Jason Howard/Bauer-Griffin via Getty Images
Natalie Portman photographed on the set of “Good Sex” on July 21 in New York City.
Emphasizing that someone looks good for their age may ‘reinforce the idea that youth is better than aging,’ one expert said.
“While people saying Natalie Portman ‘doesn’t look 44’ might seem like a compliment, it often implies that looking your age or being older is a bad thing,” said Hallie Kritsas, a licensed mental health counselor and therapist with Thriveworks who specializes in self-esteem, workplace issues and anxiety. “The comments (even when well-intended) can reinforce the idea that youth is better than aging.”
“This idea can make people feel less worthy as they grow older,” she added.
Anita Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and founder of practice Relationship Reality 312, questioned whether we as a society can “even know what ‘normal’ is supposed to look like at any age anymore.”
“We’ve been airbrushing models — models! — on covers of magazines for decades,” she said. “Now with all of these apps, we can erase bags under our eyes, eliminate our wrinkles, and lose a few pounds, all with a click of a button. Women in their 20s and 30s are already using Botox. So really, what is 44 ‘supposed to’ look like?”
“Comments like those that Portman received can increase the pressure for anyone to look young instead of embracing the natural aging process,” she added.
People often equate youthfulness with ‘looking good.’ But there are other ways to compliment someone’s appearance.
Chlipala emphasized that “the anti-aging industry is a multibillion-dollar industry,” and that society is being fed the standard that “we should be wrinkle-free with baby-soft skin, even as we age.”
“It’s an impossible standard to meet. Beauty is subjective — what one person finds attractive may not be the case for the next person,” she said. “We can make the distinction between ‘youthfulness’ and ‘looking good,’ because those can be two different things. People can look good at any age, and it shouldn’t matter if they have wrinkles on their face or not.”
Chlipala pointed out that for many people, looking older can “serve as a reminder of our mortality,” whereas “celebrating youthfulness can be
a temporary denial or avoidance of our physical decline.”
And instead of celebrating someone else’s “youthfulness,” she said you can “comment on a person’s confidence and radiance, the way that they carry themselves, and the energy that they bring to the interaction.”
“You can also comment on their sense of fashion style — although this is still commenting on one’s appearance, it transcends age limits,” she added.
Kritsas said that instead of equating looking young with “looking good” or with “beauty and worth,” as a society we should “celebrate beauty at every age.” Not doing so could “unintentionally lessen the value of aging, which can be both natural and meaningful.”
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“We should shift the focus from age to focusing on confidence, joy and presence. Looking good could purely mean looking like ‘you,’” she said.
Kritsas advised that appreciating how someone acts or carries themselves could perhaps be a better approach to complimenting someone.
“A better way to compliment someone’s appearance might be something like, ‘You look so confident,’ or ‘You have such a warm and bright presence,’” she later added, explaining that this approach “shifts the focus from age to personality and energy.”
