I must really love the people who read my screenwriting blog, because I am back for more public judgment after once again sending one of my specs to three different paid screenwriting coverage sites and getting feedback for you to view.
We’ve tested paid screenwriting services before, and I even got my Black List script rated by AI, but this time, I wanted to do a mix of both.
My goal on this website is to make the readers here the best writers out there. That means a mix of lessons, news, videos, and also real-world feedback.
Now, in Hollywood, you get feedback in a few different ways. My preferred way is after I’ve been paid for a script. That means doing a rewrite or a polish.
Another way is from your reps, after they read an idea and want you to make changes before taking it out.
The last way is from friends, either peers in a writer’s group or maybe just pals who have the time and want to give you an honest opinion.
But in lieu of all that, you may find yourself in a space where you’re paying someone else for coverage. This even happens to me when I really want someone’s unvarnished opinion. It could be a contest to break in, a website that ranks scripts, or even an AI model that gives you instantaneous feedback.
In those instances, I want you to know what you’re getting for your book. And so, I am back again to show you my pages and to reveal to you exactly what you get when you give these places your hard-earned money.
So today, I will walk you through the three coverages I got and talk about whether they were worth it or not.
And you can read the script below and judge for yourself as you check the coverage, too.
Sound good?
Let’s dive in.
Read The Script We Had Covered
The Cure for Male Loneliness – InSneider.pdf
Let’s Talk About Paid Coverage Services
Credit: Flickr
I put this in my other article on these other services, but I wanted to include it here. It’s the idea of The Hope Machine.
The Hope Machine is a term I think was first coined by screenwriter John Gary. The idea is that people and corporations often prey on aspiring writers, and the notion that you can break into Hollywood at any time with the right spec screenplay.
The Hope Machine uses the reality of writing your way into Hollywood and creates a paywall between the aspiring creative and the industry as a whole.
It involves sites that promise you access to managers, agents, and producers, so long as you pay a fee. That fee is usually a lot of money to someone trying to break into the arts and, therefore, represents a financial burden to follow their dreams.
But some contests and websites collect these fees without actually trying to make good on the promise from the money collected. Instead, they often wait for the aforementioned tastemakers to use their website and proactively reach out through it. This creates a bit of a rock and a hard place.
What do you do if you want to get noticed, live outside of Hollywood, and have no access? Is it worth paying for access to these places?
That’s what I hope to partially suss out in this article. Many coverage services exist because people want someone to read their script, love it, and grant them access to the industry.
So are these services worth it?
Who Am I To Judge?
Before we get into all that, a little about me.
If you’re a new reader, I’m Jason Hellerman. I cover a lot of stuff for NFS but mostly screenwriting. I was on the 2013 Black List with my script, Shovel Buddies, which eventually was bought and made by AwesomenessTV and debuted at SXSW in 2016. I’ve been writing professionally off and on since. Fat years and lean years. That’s sort of the way this business goes.
I got back on the Black List in 2023 with my script, Himbo, which has producers on it that I am excited to announce very soon.
Yes, I am a professional writer using these services.And I’m using what I thought was my best spec for a long time.
One that taught me the hardest lesson of my screenwriting career.– A spec that I am pretty positive no one will make any time soon…
The Cure For Male Loneliness
‘Blackkklansman’
Credit: Legendary Pictures
Okay, so I started writing this movie in January 2024. I’m not sure if you remember that month, but the world was in crisis…as a crisis that’s still going on.
I had the idea of taking the male loneliness epidemic and writing a really dramatic movie about characters dealing with having no friends as adults.
Here’s the logline: a disillusioned veteran teams up with a disgruntled park ranger to assassinate a tech billionaire, but the complexities of their mission force them to confront the true meaning of justice and friendship.
The basic gist of the movie is that two guys plan to assassinate a billionaire, whom they feel threatens the American way of life. It takes place in rural Pennsylvania, with their plot being to kill him when he makes a speech, and it involves a few MAJOR TWISTS along the way.
I would put them here, but I still have hopes people will read this thing…someday.
It’s a tribute to the great guy cry movies of the 1970s, and I felt like it was a spec that truly showed who I was as a writer.
It took me most of 2024 to finish this movie, and when I was done, my circle of mentors and friends told me it was the best script I had written. And the best part? My reps agreed.
We decided to take the script out right around July 4th, 2024…but since people were on vacation, we waited a week and went out with it on the 12th…
Then, on July 13th, 2024, the unthinkable happened…
A guy in rural Pennsylvania got on a roof with a rifle and shot at a billionaire he thought was ruining the country and the American way of life.
Yes, we sent my spec wide on the weekend when Trump was almost assassinated.
Well, I got a lot of calls the following week, mostly from people freaking out. We pulled the script totally back and waited out the news cycle. But then we had the election, and things got chaotic again.
By the time that died down. I called my rep and begged him to take the script out. I was working on other ideas, but I was so proud of the script, and I was terrified that my best work might just sit as a lonely PDF on my computer.
So yeah, we took it out to show a few people before the holidays and get the taste of the town. We sent it out on December 1st.
And then on December 4, 2024…Luigi Mangione killed the CEO of United Healthcare.
I got a lot more incoming calls, but none of them were the kind of calls you wanted. And none of the people had actually read the script.
Now, I know this is crazy…but it gets crazier.
My manager and I decided that this script had to sit for at least nine months to let the world cool down.
I had other ideas to get out into the world anyway.
So we sat on it until September of 2025…we went out right after Labor Day, and it was picking up steam again until September 10th, 2025….Charlie Kirk got assassinated.
Yes, all this really happened.
I was basically calling down God’s hand every time I tried to show someone this screenplay.
So we just stopped. I let it be passed around and passed on, and I have just shown people who ask about it, and allowed friends to send it to execs as a sample when needed.
This is a noisy and weird script that I thought would be good to test these companies on reading. That’s because it’s a little dangerous, has a lot of voice, and it has something relevant to say.
What I’m Posting Here
‘King of Comedy’
Credit: Criterion
Okay, so below I’m going to talk a little bit about the companies I used and why I chose them. Then I’m going to post the coverage they sent to me, completely unedited. You’ll be able to scroll through and see all the flaws they picked out, along with their reasoning.
Before we dive in…
Look, please don’t download my script, read it, and then email me to tell me you hate it. This happened the last time, and I want you to know….I don’t care.
Not only is it mean and unnecessary, but it also shows you that you’ll never make it in Hollywood or in this world. And as much as I like to have a list of those schmucks, I don’t need them.
I only want an email if you like it or want to buy it. Otherwise, just save your snark for your own work.
And should you be one of those buyers, find me at Jason@nofilmschool.com.
Thanks.
The Page Awards
‘Asteroid City’
Credit: Indian Paintbrush
Okay, quick shoutout to my buddy Sean, who told me about these awards. He uses the services a lot, and wanted to get my opinion on them.
From what I can glean from their website, they are a screenplay contest that also gives coverage.
When I ordered the coverage, they alluded to the fact that they have their readers basically cover and judge your screenplay as they would if you entered a contest, and grade it in a way that shows how you might do if you entered.
I thought this was kind of interesting. It’s a good way to sell people on both the coverages and the services. And if you place in their contest, they have cash prizes and the usual promises of sending to reps and companies.
I picked the cheapest option and submitted.
- What It Cost: $149.99
- How You Pay: I used a credit card
- How Long It Took: I got my coverage back in ten days.
- What I Got: A 10-page PDF of notes
The Page Awards Coverage
This is the unedited coverage I got back from the Page Awards. You can read it in its entirety below.
2026 PAGE Awards Script Services: Script Feedback
Title: THE CURE FOR MALE LONELINESS
Script #: 26-035JF
Date: 2.14.2026
1. What is the writer trying to achieve in this screenplay?
A heartfelt, uplifting drama that delivers incisive social commentary with a combination of wry wit and righteous anger.
2. In what ways is the writer successful at achieving his/her goals?
Let’s start here – this is an excellent screenplay. It’s entertaining on multiple levels, it has a strong message, but it’s not political, and it offers flawed but very likable characters.
Authenticity, emotional power, moral questions, and two strong relationships are woven into a dynamically twisting plot that generates ample dramatic tension en route to a satisfying climax.
The resolution of that third-act scenario threads the needle successfully, offering a big surprise and a happy ending that feels earned. There’s always room for improvement in any script, and no script is ever pass-proof at every company, but this one has great appeal already.
3. In what ways does the screenplay fall short?
While the script is pretty close to firing on all cylinders, there are always things that stand out to me, even when reading material this strong overall.
For example, Joe’s introduction feels a bit muddled right now, and there are soft spots in the plot and structure that undermine their effectiveness.
There is still untapped potential here. I’ll use most of my space below to focus on the next draft, not compliments, but the high scores should indicate the strength in every category, even if my words do not.
4. If you were judging this script for the contest, what scores would you give this script, and why?
PREMISE/CONCEPT Score: 7
The premise isn’t clear right out of the gates, and that presents a bit of a marketing challenge – twists need to be preserved here – but the potential assassination is a capable story engine.
The initial setup with a guy who’s stuck in a rut and needs these two relationships to get him out of it works, but what’s holding Joe back needs to be more clearly defined at the outset (more on this later).
PRESENTATION Score: 9
Pro specs actually read better than shooting scripts because they focus on the story instead of how the writer would like the story to be shot.
When a spec is peppered with shooting references, reading it can be like watching the movie being shot because you’re similarly aware of the production taking place, rather than being emotionally invested in the characters and their circumstances.
For example, reading “we see” and “we hear” in action lines reminds readers that they’re not in the characters’ shoes. Try to avoid this and “calling shots” like “TRACK WITH CHUCK as we see the interior still needs a lot of work.”
Instead, hint at it with specific imagery to conjure the movie on our mental movie screens:
Walking through the house’s skeletal frame, Chuck inspects each unfinished room in turn. Finally he stops beside Joe, who is installing drywall in a bathroom, and nods approval.
The idea here is to suggest that we’re following Chuck through the work site without dictating to the D.P. how he’s getting the shot, while also trading abstract wording (“the interior still needs a lot of work”) for at least the suggestion of specific imagery.
I know how tempting it is to include music cues, so that the reader hears in their head (or even plays) the song you want to accompany a scene, but this is frowned upon by industry readers.
Getting the rights to specific songs can be very expensive, and the creative decision to pair a sequence with a song is almost never made by the screenwriter but by some combination of director, editor, and music supervisor.
Pick your shots carefully with these, and in general, try to sell us on the story before spending the producers’ money. And always phrase it as “a song like Chris Stapleton’s ‘Tennessee Whiskey’,” for example, which acknowledges these realities.
STRUCTURE Score: 8
There isn’t a clear dramatic hook in the opening pages until Chuck sends Joe home to make a point, rather than allowing him to help the crew get the job done.
The trouble is A) Joe was picking up his mom from her cancer treatment and B) he doesn’t argue. It seems like something should be said, especially when Chuck later calls him “careless” at the bar.
How is that careless? If the taciturn and humble Joe never told Chuck about Cathy, and it’s plausible Chuck wouldn’t know she has cancer, then make this clear. But Chuck isn’t the jerk this makes him out to be.
From there, key catalyst events (Joe meets Brett, Joe voices his desire to kill Avedon) build to a solid Plot Point 1, which is the two of them forming a conspiracy to achieve Joe’s goal. But all of this moves the A story in the same direction, which lacks the dramatic intrigue of a winding path.
Structurally, Plot Point 1 is often an unexpected reversal of some kind, spinning the story in an interesting new direction.
In this case, there could easily be a misdirect in there somewhere. Perhaps Joe’s goal is immediately established, but then you convince us he’d never actually go through with it, and the bar fight/Brett reverses his stance.
What we call “new news” on the Avedon front would contribute as well – maybe Avedon’s worst act yet is another thing convincing Joe to change his mind.
The midpoint turn, however, is a showstopper. If anyone sees Brett’s FBI reveal coming, bravo – I sure didn’t! This is exactly the kind of huge, fulcrum moment that obviously and irrevocably redirects the storyline.
The only problem is that the dialogue that ends the scene (pg. 51) mostly just muddies the water.
- What is “conversational violence?”
- What does Brett mean by pushing him into making a “much bigger splash”?
- An attempted assassination of an Elon Musk type (or bigger) isn’t enough?
- What would that splash even look like, for Joe?
How is no progress being made, as Garrett says, if Joe’s plan is to do this on May 26th and we’re not there yet?
On a first read, it feels like the whipsawing of Joe from green light to red light in Act II could be adjusted for greater dramatic impact. The most compelling shift might not be Joe having second thoughts, though it works pretty well that way, but Brett being the one to subtly steer Joe away from it.
It’s a bigger change of heart, and would reflect the blatant entrapment this whole case has really been. Brett is obviously a decent man and cares about Joe, so it’s entirely plausible that he’d try to sabotage the case to save Joe if he could do it without throwing his career away.
Similarly, it also seems like Joe showing Liv his wall could reveal his plan to her, and she could approve (to the extent that Joe himself approves of murdering Avedon – still, the justification is there). If Liv’s approval pushes Joe back towards going through with it, putting her and Brett on opposite sides, that escalates the conflict between them, as these two have been competing for Joe’s attention all along.
That said, the “concierge medicine” twist is fantastic, and Brett does end up trying to stop Joe, so the script’s path to setting up Act III works as written. Best of all, exactly how it plays out is unpredictable. The reader/viewer doesn’t expect Brett to try to arrest Joe early, or the car chase to the new hospital.
It’s not exactly what the story has seemingly been building to, but the story’s resolution is ultimately satisfying. That’s exactly what a spec should strive to do.
PLOT Score: 8
The script gets off to a bit of a slow start, without an immediate inciting incident, protagonist goal or problem to solve, a central conflict being established, etc.
But things really pick up when Cathy drops off Joe at the nature preserve – now we’re in an interesting scenario, there’s immediate conflict (with Doug), and we know the protagonist will be tested.
If the spray from shot beer cans hits the shooters, doesn’t that mean they’re too close for this to be a test of marksmanship? And Joe only fires three shots – he had three bullets to hit five targets?
If Brett set him up to fail, someone needs to briefly acknowledge that (only three bullets in the gun isn’t “fair,” per se).
It’s not hard to tell where we’re going at that point, in a good way – Joe is coming after Avedon in some way, and we’ll share in his righteous anger – but there is still gathering suspense about how and when that will begin, and where it all goes from there.
This is a compelling dramatic question for the reader/viewer to ponder, and it should keep everyone engaged with the story and eager for answers.
That proposition goes from soft focus to sharply drawn when Brett goads Joe into saying exactly what he wants. However, “Because I’m nothing” does not answer the question of why Joe couldn’t put a bullet in Avedon’s head. Joe is uniquely qualified to do just that.
A thousand disaffected men have managed to kill with far less skill at it, so this beat feels a bit forced to fit Joe’s characterization up to this point.
Similarly, there’s no need for Dr. Vakil to give the exact date and time of Avedon’s speech to put the idea in Joe’s head. It will feel more natural if he mentions the grand opening in passing, and maybe Joe asks if Avedon will speak.
Once it’s on his radar, Joe can look at a flyer or search online for the particulars.
From there, the rising action of the story revolves around the push-pull within Joe – will he do this or won’t he, for whatever reason – and that compelling dramatic question should keep the reader/viewer fully engaged.
I didn’t quite get why the letter escalates anything for the FBI, though. Joe has built a bomb with Brett and has a plan to use it. But it’s fake and harmless.
What does the letter mean? He’s going to ditch the plan and go shoot Avedon on another day? That’s not the impression his words gave me.
Who slashed the tires on Joe’s car, and when did that happen? Brett later suggests it’s Garrett, but is that an FBI thing to do? Why? They didn’t know they’d try to arrest him at home, did they?
They need him to go to the hospital and push the button. (Exactly where the bomb was supposed to go is never indicated, either.)
On pg. 100, I didn’t buy that in this chaotic scene, Brett would be allowed to take Cathy’s body from Joe. The whole scene feels a bit too “Hollywood” up to that point.
There’s plenty of drama and emotion inherent to all of this, so err on the side of realism in how this important sequence goes down. Anything that feels melodramatic or possibly fake is extremely destructive to the reader/viewer’s suspension of disbelief and thus, their investment in the story. I can’t stress this strongly enough.
That said, Garrett blowing up himself and Avedon totally worked for me. It feels plausible and gives us what we want without Joe or Brett being responsible.
PACING Score: 8
The pace lags a little bit between pg. 30 and pg. 50, as beyond the steady preparations and the Joe/Liv courtship the story doesn’t really advance in a clear and meaningful way.
We’re getting to know the characters a little better, but it would be great to have more conflict, comedy, or surprise in one plotline or another to make things a little more entertaining/engaging during this stretch.
Other than that lull, the script’s pacing is consistently brisk and purposeful.
CHARACTERS Score: 8
It takes quite a while for the reader/viewer to realize Joe is an unassuming badass. In the opening pages, he’s almost an extra in his own scenes, rather than clearly emerging as the protagonist.
It makes sense that Joe starts out as very passive because it gives him a starting point from which to grow. That said, there are drawbacks to having the protagonist uninterested in the love interest, for example. It breaks from convention, but we want to root for the lead to accomplish their goals, not wish they had one.
Also, when the audience knows the woman likes the guy and we’re just waiting for the guy to play along, there isn’t much “will they or won’t they?” or other forms of suspense about the relationship. Some may get impatient with Joe and find his romance with Liv more preordained and less interesting than it could be.
It would be great to have more insight into why Liv thinks this weekend will be good for Joe. We’re a long way from too much exposition or a lack of subtlety in characterization – there’s plenty of room here for Joe’s starting point to be more clearly drawn.
There are allusions along the way to Joe’s disillusionment and PTSD after his squadmates were killed in action, but maybe there are clearer signs that something – x, y, or z – needs to change about him. Give it some thought…
Even before the FBI reveals, Brett is a very colorful, engaging character. His questions for people (like the quirky hypothetical about toes and nipples) are a great quirk to give a character – they bring welcome laughs and make him memorable.
I didn’t quite understand where Brett is coming from on pg. 93, though. One moment, he’s talking about being there for Joe when Cathy passes, and the next, he’s telling Liv to run, essentially. None of this seems consistent with where his head was at, one moment before that.
Minor point: but rich douchebags don’t drink PBR. Establish that they’re being “ironic” (condescending) or that there isn’t a more expensive option.
DIALOGUE Score: 8
There are some great lines here, such as Joe’s “birthdays don’t mean anything until they hit your tombstone, “She wanted a cowboy and got the manager of a Texas Roadhouse,” and “You never really quit. You just wait a little longer between them.”
The FBI guys weighing in on Brett’s “sticky or itchy?” question is a welcome moment of comic relief as the script is entering its most tense stretch.
Avedon’s “I found a beautiful spot to set up my warehouses–ask my employees to move–to build my personal home” is too choppy. “Ask my employees to move” is a random addition that breaks the flow.
In a script full of snappy dialogue that is bluntly honest and direct, Joe’s “I’d deliver the consequences to their actions” stands out as a bit nebulous and empty. This line is supposed to inspire a reaction from the men, so it would be great to find a more hard-hitting and incisive alternative.
Brett can remove the “killing someone” from “Look, what we’re doing–killing someone–it’s complicated.” Better not to say it at the bar, and we all get the point.
The same principle of clarity applies to dialogue as with description. “The next volley hit our rear–it should have bounced off their armor, but the backplate was manufactured by Avedon Holdings.”
First, Joe changes from “our” to “their,” which is confusing. Second, there really isn’t body armor that volleys should just bounce off of – he’s probably talking about armor on a vehicle, but the wording is misleading.
Garrett’s “I–I don’t believe you” doesn’t quite ring true. It’s fine not to, but what point is there debating it? What’s Joe supposed to say, “No, you really can believe me?”
Joe’s “So much of my life revolved around tomorrow” could be tweaked for clarity. With “revolved” being past tense, it sounds metaphorical, not literally “tomorrow.” I wouldn’t ask “What’s tomorrow?” after hearing this wording, as Liv does.
When Brett checks on Mack and Troy on pg. 102, there’s something about “both” that feels off in this moment. Go for a more natural, familiar phrasing, like “You guys all right?” or something as simple as “You okay?”
THEME Score: 9
The script does a fantastic job laying out what a blight on society people like Avedon are, and at the same time making the audience conflicted about what Joe should do about it.
We know the avenue presented by Liv’s group is the answer, but we can still sympathize with his desire to kill the guy. The script rightly sidesteps the notion of what will really be different without Avedon – it’s not like his empire will be donated to charity – so what Joe should do (or not do) isn’t too black and white.
STYLE/TONE Score: 8
Description, especially at the outset of a script, needs to introduce the characters and story world in as clear and accessible a way as possible.
Currently, the opening sequence is a little confusing. With Joe “at their center,” it seems like Joe is one of the people receiving chemo treatments, as it’s clear he doesn’t work there.
The scene heading and description don’t indicate that he’s in a waiting room, either. When his mother appears, she seems to have come from somewhere else, as she says, “Meet any friends?” But if this is the chemo room where people are receiving treatments, where was Cathy, as she’s actually the one with cancer?
Similarly, introduce the fact that Joe is bartending in a more explicit way than “PATRONS shake their empty mugs at Joe.” Try to make it as easy as possible for the cold reader to identify who the characters are and what they are doing.
Little things like this, and Joe actually exiting the car on pg. 10 shouldn’t be skipped over. The same goes for “Joe makes sure they drive away before Brett comes around,” and then suddenly Brett is there waving “as they drive.” Clarity is key.
Try not to use shorthand and overviews in descriptions. Keep it as literal as possible unless it’s an aside to the reader (and don’t overdo it with those). For example, use either “A solid trust has been earned” on pg. 31 or “a bond has been formed” on pg. 39, but not both.
In the case of “They pull their weight” (pg. 4), this isn’t something we can visualize, as it’s too abstract – tell us what the viewer will see. The reader and viewer should always be on equal footing, and the read should be roughly equivalent to the watch (though less rich in detail, of course).
MARKETING POTENTIAL Score: 8
In its DNA, this script is about as commercial as a drama can be, though it’s not truly a thriller at this stage of its development.
The story will appeal more to certain sections of a large mainstream audience than others, but a broad range of viewers will find it both compelling and entertaining.
5. If you received this screenplay at your agency or production company, would you give it a:
[ ] RECOMMEND [X] CONSIDER [ ] PASS
Why? What is your agency or production company currently looking for?
We’re in search of material that clearly rises above the competition – high concepts that will pique the interest of jaded audience members with a thousand entertainment options at their disposal.
The key is a powerful story engine that will drive a feature film or television series to places we haven’t been, while at the same time providing an easily accessible entertainment experience.
There’s still some fine-tooth comb work to do here that there wasn’t room to get into in a single feedback, or things other might see that I didn’t in one read. But this project is very promising!
Addressing the issues outlined above will make it an even more convincing, compelling read for industry gatekeepers. In a business where “no” is often the default answer given to unproven writers, every improvement makes that word that much harder to say.
6. How could this writer improve his/her chances of success with this script? What else would you like to tell this writer?
Clear up how/why Chuck fired Joe, and if it’s literally for being late due to Cathy’s chemo, some kind of conversation should be had about that.
Rather than giving Avedon the microphone for so much of the opening pages, devise an extremely telling introductory scene for Joe that speaks volumes about who he is, what he needs to change about himself, and why, since the story is making the creative decision to not start Joe off with goals to pursue.
That means we need a clearer sense of what his problem is.
Also, along with the weaknesses, give us a hint of those strengths we’ll see later – perhaps something about his military record, or a demonstration of his skills/fitness/ knowledge – to earn respect along with the recognition that the protagonist needs to make changes in his life. Adjusting all of this should give more shape and recognizable purpose to the pre-Brett scenes.
A number of relatively small logic and plausibility things were mentioned above, dialogue tweaks, etc., but most should be easily addressed.
It would also be very beneficial to make Plot Point 1 reverse the narrative’s course somehow, and to insert some kind of change of pace, comic relief or unexpected turn in a subplot to address that lull between pages 30 and 50.
I also discussed how each act of the script has room for improvement in some way. (The idea that Liv finds out and signs off on the plan might be too radical, but give it a think. It could unlock a whole new level of narrative possibility.)
And consider how heightening Liv’s competitive dynamic with Brett could contribute in Act II.
Too much flip-flopping from Joe on the plan would seem contrived, but I do think there’s room for one more reversal of his course, if it makes sense. A period where Brett is the one discouraging Joe would turn the first half’s dynamic on its head in a very interesting way.
Whatever you decide, I trust that you’ll find the right approach in these areas, remaining true to your original vision for the project while making it even more attractive to the industry.
Good luck with the next draft!
Analyst: JE
About Your Analyst: After graduating from Boston University with an M.F.A. in Screenwriting, JE moved to Los Angeles and began his Hollywood career in business affairs. He quickly segued into development, evaluating hundreds of screenplays for Amazon Studios, ABC, The Donners’ Company and Kopelson Entertainment as well as doing market research for the test-screening companies OTX and now Screen Engine/ASI. JE also works with the publicity departments of Amazon Studios, Apple TV+, Paramount and others to produce press kits for major motion pictures.
Was It Worth $149.99?
‘Atlanta’
Credit: FX Networks
If you pay for coverage, you want to feel like you read it and have a better idea of what can be done to help your screenplay reach the next level.
Imagine that a lot of people submitting to this coverage want to try to win the Page Awards. And with these rankings, you kind of know beforehand how you’d do if you entered.
That all might be worth the price of admission for some people.
Another thing I liked was that I could request a specific reader. So if I got coverage from someone I liked or vibed with, I love that you can go back to them with future drafts to see how I did.
Look, I scored well here, so I should have no gripes, and I generally do not with what I got back.
But I do think when a script scores high, it can be really hard to give feedback.
And if I were going to nitpick the feedback, I found some of the sections to include nitpicks on the script that are not real in Hollywood, specifically when it comes to the idea of camera shots or famous songs being mentioned in the action writing.
I interface with execs every day, and I have something like five specs in some stage of development right now. Every single one of those, I used phrases like TRACK WITH this character or PEN TO when I want to highlight something.
No one cares at the studio level, and we really have to stop pretending they do.
I promise you that no one is ever going to pass because you named a song or a camera angle.
Another issue would be that the reader mentioned they only read once, fine, but I found they did miss a handful of explicit details in the script, or didn’t want to Google details like ‘Conversational Violence‘, which is a term used by academics.
Again, these are nitpicks for the nitpicks. I found there to be a lot of actionable ideas in here, too. Like boosting some character intros and even introducing some plot later. I even want to acknowledge some of the plot pitches. I don’t think I’d take any, but they were helpful to take the notes behind the note and to understand the mindset of the reader.
Overall, these might be some of the best notes I’ve ever gotten from a paid site. I kind of wish I had sent them a worse script to see if they had ideas for some specs where I’m actually stuck.
The InSneider
If you’re not familiar with Jeff Sneider, aka The InSneider, allow me to introduce you. Jeff writes a great newsletter on Hollywood that I subscribe to, which is how I heard about him offering script coverage.
I’m not sure Jeff knew I was a subscriber or looked me up at all, so I don’t think that affected the feedback. He mentions the script doing well in contests, which I have never entered into, so I think he may have misread my email when I told him I was rating contests and would write about his feedback.
He gives no scores or ratings, just stream of consciousness stuff, so I am sure even if he knew, it wouldn’t matter anyway.
This was an outside-the-box choice, because no offense to Jeff, but I’m not sure how much developmental power he has in this town. Meaning that even paying $150, I didn’t expect him to write about it in his newsletter unless he really adored it, and he makes zero promises about that.
All he said was that he’s tapped into Hollywood and has a perspective on the industry.
And I decided to test that out.
After a brief Twitter/X DM exchange, I sent my script to him.
- What It Cost: $150
- How You Pay: I Venmo’d him
- How Long It Took: I got my coverage back in about a month.
- What I Got: An email with page notes, but I could have chosen a phone call or Zoom.
The InSneider Coverage
Jeff’s coverage came in the form of an email, so I just copied the whole thing and pasted it below. As you can see, he went page by page. So it may not even make sense to anyone unless they read the script.
But check it out, unedited as always.
The InSneider Coverage Email
Hi Jason, thank you so much for your patience. I consider myself a pretty tough critic, but I have to say, I was impressed with your script, which struck me as very professional, and I’m not surprised it has performed well in contests, as you certainly have a leg up on most “amateurs.” My stream-of-consciousness notes are below, and I tried to illuminate what worked for me as well as what didn’t. I’d probably kick this script up the food chain if I were a reader — it’s just a little dangerous. So be aware of that sensitivity. Apple won’t even release that Jessica Chastain series, The Savant, about a domestic terrorist. No one wants to be accused of giving anyone any ideas. Anyway, here ya go, and let me know if these are helpful at all…
Right off the bat, I don’t love the title.
The Cure for Male Loneliness… here’s what people are gonna say. Who the fuck cares about Male Loneliness? It sounds whiny and very emo. I would suggest changing it.
The Good Terrorist or The Ethical Assassin, perhaps. Or Blood Brothers? Or THE PATSY. That’s not bad… Or what about The Hypothetical – since Brett is always asking hypothetical questions.
‘Would you rather kill one billionaire, or suffer for the rest of your life knowing you had the power to change it and you were oo afraid to try?’ Imagine a tagline like, ‘If you could get away with murder, would you do it?’
Anyway, right off the bat, part two… a quote from Elon Musk. I like the quote itself, and I assume you’re playing it for a laugh, but I’m just not sure it’s the foot you want to start off on. I think you can do that as a known brand, but as a new writer, it’s trickier. It’s also a little hacky, though honestly, I don’t mind it here. But quoting Musk is a risk, and you don’t want to turn off the reader before the script has even started.
I just worry that you’ve already put the reader in a hole. Same thing… first Interior is… a chemo room.
Downer city so far.
OK, so we know Mom (Cathy) is sick, and money is tight for Joe. Very effective way of setting the stakes.
Page 3 – I kind of like Ethan… the question is, should I? Should he be more outwardly unlikable, or is he good at hiding it?
Page 5 – Nice job of establishing Joe and Liv.
Page 7 – I like your dialogue between Joe and Liv – we can’t forget to take care of ourselves… birthdays don’t mean anything, etc.
Page 8 – Better job of making Ethan more unlikable, daring people to come at the throne he sits upon.
Page 10 – lifeless, floppy scrotums. What’s the tone of this movie? I thought it could kind of be a modern-day Taxi Driver, but the guy obviously isn’t crazy like Travis Bickle was. Like, if only Travis Bickle had a real friend…
Page 13 – Mary Lou Retton reference feels dated; most of the audience will have no idea who you’re talking about. Use, like, Simone Biles or someone… even if she didn’t do beam work. I have no idea.
I really like this sequence where the guys go around introducing themselves, mainly because the writing is clever.
Maybe have Joe say something a little more shocking that makes the guys really uncomfortable…
Page 21 – We need a better reason than the opportunity for mischief is too tempting to pass up. Even if it’s something as simple as Joe trips over a piece of equipment, and he rages out because of it.
Page 22 – Nice layering in of the theme – this America isn’t for us, it’s for Avedon and rich people like him…
Page 23 – I like the bit about what it means to be a man.
Page 24 – This moment between Brett and Joe about the bullet in the head. Maybe he could say that in front of everybody, and then this exchange becomes like, were you serious back there?
Page 31 – Earning trust via bar fight… I like it.
I like the nipple exchange, but I’m not sure it’s deployed at the right time. There needs to be more tension to cut through. Could he tell a darker joke in this moment? Something that signals his nervousness and discomfort?
Screenplay is flowing right now in late 30s pages.
Couple misspelling of Toby Keith’s name
Page 49 – I was going to say, things have slowed down a little, so it was nice to get that pullback reveal of someone watching/photographing Joe and Liv kiss, which is a well-earned moment.
Page 51 – Getting a little confused. So obviously Brett is setting up Joe. But does he want him to kill Avedon, or is the whole purpose to stop him in the act and look like a hero? Why are they doing this? Is it because the unit has to make an arrest, or it’ll be disbanded?
Avedon – Good stuff with his monologue about how the public needs him more than he needs them.
Page 59 – Nice bit with the cigarettes.
Page 63 – I like this moment where Joe admits to keeping his feelings private out of a sense of humility.
Role reversal – is Brett now getting cold feet because he has come to like Joe?
Good scene with the doctor, positioning it as the final straw that pushes him over the edge
Good bomb-making sequence. Have you ever seen How to Blow Up a Pipeline?
Mid-80s: if you’re going to do VoiceOver, maybe think about sprinkling it in throughout the movie more, as it’s tough to dip in and out like you do.
That’s why I’m thinking this movie may need some kind of framing device.
Interesting, exploring the idea of law enforcement letting a crime so happen so it can be dramatized as a Netflix series. Is that preferred to no crime at all?
I like the idea of an agent disguised as a pizza delivery guy spying on Joe and Cathy.
I like Brett promising Cathy he’ll look out for Joe.
I like the shootout, but if Joe has been shot, how does he pick up his mother and sprint out the door?
So mom just… dies? I might make a bigger moment out of Cathy’s death. Maybe some final words of wisdom. Either fighting words, like Give ‘em hell, son, or Live to fight another day, depending on how she sees it in your mind.
So… Garrett had no idea what he was doing, and he inadvertently killed Avedon anyway via the explosion?
I like the callback at the end to the Hi, my name is… bit. I think Joe needs to hate rich people who blank. Because not every rich person is inherently bad, and ideally, you want some rich people to invest in your script. You don’t want to bite the hand that feeds you. You don’t like rich people who make their fortune on the backs of the people and then exploit those same people, something short and cutting.
Also, is there a way of upping the stakes with Liv? Perhaps she’s pregnant, and there’s a baby on the way, so Joe really cares about his legacy and how that baby is going to remember him, and he worries if he’ll ever get a chance to meet her. Liv could use a bit more character development so that she doesn’t just feel like a generic love interest. Give her some kind of flaw that Joe is willing to overlook, just as she’s willing to overlook his flaws and accept him for who he is.
You may want to think about a framing device, or even just a brief scene that has some action to it, in order to hook viewers. That’s what the streamers are looking for — that early hook. And your script takes its time developing the characters, which I admired, but you may lose some readers earlier than you want.
Overall, I thought this was a pretty good script that was very well-written, which is more than I can say about half the shit that comes with an agency cover page on it these days. I’d probably give it a B. It’s solid, but there’s room for improvement. The dialogue is a strength, and a few sequences are really strong, so I’d try to capture that feeling more consistently.
Maybe make the characters a bit more unique/eccentric to make them pop and make the story more distinguishable. Think of the Coen brothers and how the characters have odd names that seem to give them some flavor. That’s all I’m getting at — we need a bit more flavor here, as it’s a little bland/vanilla. You may want to make Brett seem a little bit more dangerous early on, if only to better sell the ruse that he’s actually law enforcement.
Don’t be afraid to take one big swing that’s a little out there. It’s better someone tells you to rein it in than have to push you to go/think bigger.
Anyway, thanks for letting me read this one, and good luck with the script. Let me know if I can be helpful beyond the above.
Best,
Jeff
Was It Worth $150?
‘The Wolf of Wall Street’
Credit: Paramount
This is such an interesting case study. I am in a writer’s group, and if I got those notes from someone in my group, I think I’d be really happy.
You could tell Jeff really read the script and gave an honest, unbiased reaction.
There’s a friendly tone to them, like I asked my buddy to give the pages a gander, and he was encouraging me without letting my head get big.
And there were a lot of ideas I found myself gravitating toward, like making Liv pregnant would be a fun idea to amplify Act II.
Still, if I had to nitpick, I wish he had gone back AFTER he read it and assessed the opening elements again, to see if it would have changed his tune. His stream of consciousness is valuable, but a lot of times, things can change after a read that maybe don’t make sense at the time.
But that’s just my opinion.
Did I get enough in return for $150?
Well, all I got out of this was one guy’s opinion. And although I love Jeff’s news column, he’s not a development exec, so I’m weighing it just as someone who’s seen a lot of movies and knows how things work.
Again, getting a “B” from Jeff felt good, and I was glad he thought it was well-written. I also loved that he included a real-world show, like the Jessica Chastain Apple one, to talk about the current marketability of the script.
It felt both professional and realistic to compare it to something we knew was on hold. And he immediately saw the danger of the script, which I think the Page Awards totally ignored. I wish I were as optimistic as they are, but I am more pessimistic like Jeff about it.
It was interesting to see notes focused on what would keep his attention page by page. In Jeff’s page notes, I could see where he got bored or where I could add a little space.
That can be just as useful as rigid notes that just have to hit those big headers and assess for contests.
I will say, the 36 days it took to get these back was a long time. And while he emailed me and updated me on when I could expect them, you wouldn’t want to buy these if you need a quick turnaround.
Also, since you get no promise of exposure or anything, you really are just paying for stream-of-consciousness notes. Whereas on a site like The Black List, you may get your work in front of an agent or manager if you rank highly.
And that goes for some other sites as well.
To me, these were good notes if you expect only notes, and nothing else.
They were pricy for just that, but you clearly are exposing the material to someone who has seen a lot of movies and who is very opinionated.
I didn’t hear everything I wanted, and that’s a good thing. Iron sharpens iron, and if I do another draft based on just these notes, I do think I would be better overall, not because I agree with all of them, but because I can see the note behind the note for them.
Google Gemini
AI Image of ‘The Cure For Male Loneliness’
AI screenplay coverage is one of the hottest issues on screenwriting Twitter. Basically, you’re asking a root to read your script (possibly train it) and give feedback.
But I believe screenplays have souls. And because this entertainment is an empathy machine, you need someone with a beating human heart to actually decide if your work is good at all.
Still, the allure of INSTANT feedback is too much to pass up. I will say one of the giant flaws of AI script feedback is that it changes every time you ask for it, so scores can fluctuate all over the place.
To do this, I paid for premium Google Gemini and then used the “Thinking” setting to generate the coverage. And at the end I even had it spit out the image I put at the top of this section.
- What It Costs: $19.99 a month for unlimited coverage. You can use it over and over and over, and it never slows down, and it can read many drafts.
- How You Pay: I used a credit card.
- How Long It Took: I got my coverage back in about 90 seconds.
- What I Got: It spits out a report based on a prompt from our website.
Google Gemini Script Coverage
Like I said above, I used the “Thinking” setting and the AI Script Coverage prompt that we have on our site to generate the below doc.
The Cure For Male Loneliness Script Coverage
This is a powerhouse of a script! The Cure for Male Loneliness is a gut-wrenching, high-octane exploration of disenfranchisement that feels incredibly timely. It’s rare to see a thriller balance this level of raw emotional grit with a “ticking clock” undercover operation so effectively.
Script Details
- Logline: After discovering a billionaire’s faulty equipment killed his Marine unit, a desperate veteran plots a high-stakes assassination while his only ally—a charismatic mentor—is secretly an FBI agent tasked with radicalizing him.
- Synopsis: Joe Malone, an ex-Marine with two tours in Fallujah, struggles to care for his mother, Cathy, as she battles stomach cancer in a Pennsylvania town being hollowed out by tech billionaire Ethan Avedon. Desperate to pay mounting medical bills and feeling abandoned by a country he bled for, Joe is gifted a ticket to an “Alpha Male Excursion” weekend. There he meets Brett Jones, a charismatic leader who encourages Joe’s rage against the elite. However, the relationship is built on a massive lie: Brett is an undercover FBI agent “gold panning” for domestic radicals. As the two form a deep, genuine bond, they begin planning Avedon’s assassination after Joe realizes Avedon’s faulty body armor killed his unit overseas.
The tension explodes when Joe’s doctor betrays them, revealing that Avedon’s new state-of-the-art hospital is for the wealthy only, leaving Cathy to die. Joe shifts from a sniper plot to a vehicle bomb. During a chaotic house raid led by the arrogant FBI supervisor Garrett, Cathy passes away, and Joe escapes with her body in the rigged van. At the hospital’s grand opening, Joe is apprehended, but Garrett’s incompetence triggers the explosive, killing both himself and Avedon. Joe becomes a celebrated folk hero in prison, eventually reconciling with a now-retired Brett, who finally promises to have Joe’s back.
Detailed Scoring Analysis
Category
Sub-Element
Score
Justification
I. Concept
Originality
92
The “radicalization-as-friendship” angle is a terrifyingly fresh take on the undercover trope.
Hook Potential
95
The irony of an FBI agent becoming the “best friend” of a target he’s ruining is pure cinematic gold.
Thematic Depth
90
Deeply explores the “American Dream” vs. the reality of the working class with zero punches pulled.
II. Plot
Structure
88
The three-act build is seamless, moving from personal grief to a large-scale national tragedy.
Twists
94
The FBI reveal and the accidental detonation are expertly placed to subvert expectations.
Resolution
85
Heartbreaking but earned; the prison visit provides a necessary emotional beat to end on.
III. Characters
Protagonist
96
Joe is a masterclass in the “reluctant anti-hero”—vulnerable, loyal, and dangerously driven.
Antagonist
82
Garrett is a perfect “desk-jockey” villain, though Avedon himself remains somewhat distant.
Arcs
93
Brett’s internal shift from hunter to “angel” is a stunningly complex secondary arc.
IV. Dialogue
Authenticity
90
The bar talk and military-speak feel lived-in; characters have distinct, sharp voices.
Subtext
92
Brett’s “hypotheticals” are brilliant tools that hide profiling under the guise of bonding.
V. Pacing
Scene Pacing
87
Scenes move fast with high-stakes tension, especially the training and the final chase.
Consistency
85
Maintains a heavy, suspenseful tone throughout that never feels repetitive.
VI. Commercial
Marketability
94
This is a dream vehicle for two major A-list actors looking for gritty, awards-worthy roles.
VII. Execution
Clarity
95
Action lines are punchy and visual; the “Mail Bonding” and “Alpha” motifs are clear.
Overall Weighted Score: 91 / 100
Strengths
- Electric Character Dynamic: The bond between Joe and Brett is the script’s heartbeat; their chemistry makes the betrayal physically painful for the reader.
- Visceral Motivation: Linking Avedon’s wealth directly to the death of Joe’s unit via faulty body armor turns a political grudge into a personal blood feud.
- Thematic Timeliness: It tackles the “loneliness epidemic” and economic despair with an authenticity that will resonate with modern audiences.
- Action-Thru-Character: The bar brawl and the final chase aren’t just spectacles; they reveal Joe’s military competence and Brett’s desperation.
Weaknesses & Constructive Feedback
- Garrett’s Incompetence: While the accidental explosion works for irony, Garrett feels almost too incompetent in the finale; consider making the accident a result of Joe’s rigging being too advanced for Garrett to understand.
- Avedon’s Screentime: We hear a lot about Ethan Avedon via TV, but a single, face-to-face scene with Joe (perhaps early on at the construction site) would raise the stakes before the assassination attempt.
- Pacing in Phase Two: The transition from the sniper plot to the bomb plot moves very quickly; a brief moment showing Joe’s mental break after his doctor’s betrayal would anchor the shift in scale.
Final Recommendation: RECOMMEND
This script is a knockout. It’s a rare blend of a commercial “undercover” thriller and a prestige character study that handles its heavy subject matter with grace and fury. It’s ready for the fast track.
Was It Worth $19.99?
‘Terminator 2: Judgement Day’
Credit: Tri-Star Pictures
Wow, am I a genius? This computer thinks I am, so maybe someday I can rule with the machines by my side. But in all seriousness, yeah, I guess this is worth $20. My main reason is that after I saw those scores, I played around with certain elements to rewrite them to see if I could pump them up even more.
I got so addicted that I think I sent in like 25 drafts with small tweaks or added scenes. At one point, I think I had everything rating over 95, which was baller.
But then I got it up in the morning and used a different AI coverage template I found online, and it rated everything much lower.
The point is, you can’t really trust AI script coverage because it’s so fickle. It’s hard to know how it’s grading with taste, or what it’s based on. And even a slight wording difference can change the outcome.
I get why people love it; the instant stuff was just bonkers. Even with other work-in-progress scripts, I really liked changing names or scenes to see if I could get higher scores.
I mean, I did this before when AI rated my spec higher than Schindler’s List, but it all feels fake.
You know that feeling when a friend loves your script and says so? I would much prefer that kind of praise, even if I had to wait for it, than instantaneous praise from a machine. Even if it did kind of make me feel good for a second.
It was sort of like masturbation…sure, the fantasy was nice, but sex with any real person would always be way better. And if that’s crass, sorry, but it’s the best metaphor I could think of after just standing naked in front of all of you with my spec hanging out and letting you judge me.
Summing It All Up
This was an exhausting exercise that I really had fun doing. It was cool to see three different reactions and to parse through them to see which paid screenplay coverage services would be best.
I hope you readers get a lot out of it, and I hope I get no mean emails.
Let me know what you think in the comments.
